How do you view yourself and the role that you play in your business? What tone does that inner voice in your head hold, is it a positive one, the cheerleader? Or does it go to town on you, picking you up on every possible mistake or issue, the critic?
Psychology professor Russell Hurlburt estimates 30 to 50 percent of people have an inner monologue narrating their thoughts throughout the day.
In my experience I was driven by an inner critic, but in recent years have worked on transforming Edna, the name I give to my ego. Now Edna works very hard to be a critic but it’s down to me to whether I listen to her.
A 2018 study found that self-talk can contribute to self-motivation, behaviour, performance, judgment, and criticism. Not only that but it can support problem-solving, self-reflection, productivity, and critical thinking skills, along with increased resilience against setbacks and lower stress levels. All these qualities could be useful to business owners if they are harnessed in the correct way.
However, critical inner voices negatively affect self-esteem and confidence.
So how can business owners convert their critic into a cheer leader? For me it was firstly recognising what I was listening to. I spend a lot of time inside my own head with my thoughts, and I discovered that the type of thoughts I had influenced how I felt, physically.
For example, a client complaint would linger in my head for an age, even after a response and a resolution. I would go over the what ifs? Imagine if that happened, what reaction would that create? And on and on it would go. Edna could create multiple dire situations in my head, and I’d be left feeling terrible about a situation that I had entirely concocted myself. My feelings would be mental and physical, I carry my tension in my back and neck and I started to realise that they were connected.
Moving forward I began to recognise that Edna is providing data, and that it is my choice as to whether I should respond to the data or not. The ego’s primary function is survival, and back in cave times this was very useful, however how a business chooses to respond to a client complaint is rarely life or death.
Now I feel Edna pops up to remind me of things that have happened in the past that I have gotten through, or ways in which those situations could have happened, but didn’t. She provides me with my choices. It's her function to keep me safe. It’s my responsibility to make my choice, and of course stick with it, because sometimes Edna comes to me and says, “Are you sure?”
So if you are poised with an inner critic moment try out the following:
1. Recognize the thought, is it positive or negative
2. How is it making you feel, mentally and physically?
3. What evidence do you have that the thought is true?
4. What evidence do you have that the thought isn’t true?
5. Review your evidence and decide what next steps should be?
6. Establish your reasons for your decision
7. Review your reasons when self-doubt steps in, and remember it's only Edna checking in with you?
In the spirit of honesty, the concept of naming my ego Edna came from a coach I worked with, so I must credit her, Jo Gray Chartered MCIPD.
If you’d like to find out how my one to one coaching session can help you with prioritising within your business so you can prosper, book in for a discovery session where you can find out more.
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